Dance, dance, dance

So, I'm back from E3, the annual video game expo in Los Angeles. The conference was a total blast, but mostly because this was my first trip to E3 and you lose yourself with the sights and the sounds and the Namco dancers(tm) and the weapons demonstrations.

A highlight of the trip: Karaoke Revolution Party. OK, maybe not so much the game itself, but the story surrounding it.

Konami Rep: Would you like to try out Karaoke Revolution Party? It combines the joy of Karaoke with a Dance Dance Revolution mat.

My friend, Ken: Holy crap, you have to sing AND dance? They should make you act and just call it "Triple Threat."

Eric: "FAME! I'm gonna live forever."

Konami Rep: Hey you, you look like the perfect live jasmin person to try a song.

Eric: Crap.

(After deciding to pass on Beyonce's "Crazy in Love," I start to do a rendition of "Take On Me" while doing syncopated dance steps on the DDR Pad. There is no way on Gods Green Earth that a white person would be able to last 45 seconds on anything tougher than Beginner mode.)

Voice of Cable TV Host behind me: YO! What can you tell us bout this game right here?

Konami Rep: Karaoke Revolution Party is... well, why don't you see for yourself? THAT PUDGY ASIAN GUY IS PLAYING RIGHT NOW!

(Cue Eric suddenly being surrounded by a cameraman, a guy holding a boom mic and someone who could only be described as, well, Lil' Jon.)

TV Host: AWWW SHIZ! [ed note: he says "shiz," of course, because we're being taped.] I THINK WE LOOKIN AT THE NEXT AMERICAN IDOL RIGHT HEE-YUH!

Eric: good shit.

TV Host: YEE-UH, GOOD SHIT! (gives look to cameraman who gives me a dirty look for using profanity on-camera)

Eric: My bad.

Here's what i think of your musical batons

Memes are dumb, memes are stupid. I got the "musical baton" from Steph and Leonard, to basically talk about your MP3 collection. It's been a while since I've forced my cheesy musical tastes on you, though, so I'm doing it anyway.

Total volume of music files on my computer

Compared to the digital music jukebox that is Leonard, my MP3 is actually pretty miniscule - only (!!) 3000 songs on my computer at roughly 13GB.

This also doesn't account for the fact that my boyfriend is a club and radio DJ. It's like dating an Amoeba Records store.

The last CD I bought was:

Not to be a corporate tool, seriously, but I'm testing out Yahoo! Music Unlimited product, so I expect to be listening to a lot more jasminlive music I haven't previously.

My last iTunes purchase was Quantic Soul Orchestra's Pushin' On. Highly recommended.

Song playing right now:

Platinum Pied Pipers - 50 Ways to Leave Your Cover (f/ Rogier)

Damn, this Paul Simon cover is good.

Five songs I listen to a lot, or mean a lot to me

Alice Russell - Taking Hold

Alice Russell is continuing the tradition of white British chicks belting out soulful tunes. Oh my GOD this song is so good.

LCD Soundsystem - Movement

This is my "aggro" song. I've been listening to this a LOT lately.

Gorillaz - Feel Good Inc (Single Edit)

You know, now that I think about it, I've been diversifying my musical tastes. I would have never listened to a bands like LCD Soundsystem or Gorillaz five years ago.

Jamie Cullum - Next Year

A simple song of broken aspirations and heartbreak. And it breaks out in a samba beat in the middle of the song!

Esthero - Wikked Lil' Girrls

The return of Esthero! Mike got me hooked on Esthero. Oh, who am I kidding, if it wasn't for him I'd have Amy Grant on repeat. Shut up, Mike.

Things I have been coerced into watching or buying, solely because I am Asian-American

Stir TV, "A fast-paced, half-hour, magazine-style TV show ... on the latest Chaturbaterooms.com trends in their culture; fashion, music, sports, gaming - anything and everything affecting Asian Americans."

sigh Of course it is.

My friend told me to TiVo an episode after gushing over how hot one of the hosts is. "Dude, Sabrina Shimada is fucking HOT, man!" Not that it gives me any incentive to record a television show, of course, but hey, a show about Asian Americans on the International Channel? I haven't seen an Asian American on syndicated cable since they put an Asian guy on The Real World!

Oh wait, they haven't yet. My bad.

Female Asian American Host: Hi, I'm your adorable female host!

Male Asian American Host, with gelled bleach-tipped fauxhawk: Yo, our show today is jam packed with entertainment. It's off the heezy fo' sheezy! That means, "off the hook for sure."

(Editors note: It should be said that I typed what the male host said almost verbatim. Crazy hair and clothes aside, he looks like he should be a Chemical Engineering student at UC Riverside, and I visualize the producers coaxing him the correct way of saying "heezy fo' sheezy" before taping starts. Somewhere in my head, my brain cells are attempting to commit mass suicide.)

Female Host: First off on Stir, we have a Chinese American foreign exchange student who became a pop sensation in the Peoples Republic of China! But first, here's an exclusive interview with a girl who came to America to learn English and became one of the hottest import models around!

Eric: (attempts to suffocate himself in pillow)

Asian Import model: ...Basically, I sit in the booth and represent the cars. In Japan, I was never model material because I was too short. For those who want to become models, I say to them...

(Eric pauses the TiVo) Eric: "be true to yourself." (Eric unpauses the TiVo)

Import model: "be true to yourself, and never give up on your dreams."

Nice. And again, the overactive imagination kicks in... now.

(The scene: a Japanese classroom full of eight year olds. As with all of Eric's imaginary sequences involving Japanese classrooms, the kids are speaking in Japanese with English subtitles underneath.)

Teacher: We will now go from student to student and have them answer the following question: What would you like to be when you grow up. Daisuke?

Daisuke: I would like to be a salaryman. To pass out on a crowded subway car and to pass out from alcohol with my co-workers in the middle of the night, I would like that very much.

Teacher: And you, Eri?

Eri: I would like to seductively pose over lowered Honda Civics.

Everyone: WHAAAAT?!

(Insert flashing Japanese word for "WHAAAT?!" here)

Teacher: Eri, you are too short to be a mod

Eri: THAT IS NOT TRUE! JUST YOU SEE! I WILL MOVE TO AMERICA, AND I WILL BE TRUE TO MYSELF AND NEVER GIVE UP ON MY DREAMS!

(Cut to classroom being blown up by Voltron)

Nope. No brain cells left. None at all.

Proof that i was a nerd since young

I mentioned previously that growing up in lieu of any video games I would write computer programs in BASIC. Any memory I tried to repress has suddenly been brought back to the surface when my mom dropped off a book for me when she was going through some boxes with some of my childhood stuff in it, sitting in the garage.

That book? "Tim Hartnell's The Giant Book of Computer Games." Published in 1985. That would make me nine years old at the time of publication. Now, I don't remember being nine years old when I made my mom buy the book for me at the local Waldenbooks, but it doesn't surprise me. The paperback cover is worn and has bent corners; the pages are now a pale yellow and the code is printed in a pre-Courier font that would have been seen on punchcards. Because they probably were.

Taken from the preface:

"Please be sure to type the programs in carefully. Remember that the instructions you give to a computer must be exactly correct - or the machine won't be able to run your program. If you have trouble getting a program to run, first proofread your typed-in version against the listing given in this book."

And then I realize, "ohmyfuckinggod, I had to type those programs in by hand. Pre-internet, pre-modems to download code, pre-scanners to read papers to convert words into code. That's an awful lot of labor to find a fucking wumpus.

I feel bad about throwing the book away, naturally. I mean, this might be one of the only possesions I have (besides family photographs) that I have that dates back to the 80's, and while it's just taking up space at the moment, it's also one of the last physical remnants I have of my past. So, taking a nod from a ReadyMade magazine article, I'm making a craft project out of it. I bought an IKEA frame and plan on framing pages. Maybe I'll hang it in the bathroom, so I can remind myself of the GOSUB routine when I pee. I'll keep you updated.

Computer programming meets interior design. My god, I need to go out more often.

Update, Apr 18: I can't decide what pages should go in the IKEA frame. Please decide for me. That is all.

This is not a blog post about decentralized social networks

This weekend, after weeks of working late nights, I went to the Lone Star, a bear bar in San Francisco. For those not familiar with gay bear subculture, it's, for the most part, a bunch of older guys with goatees and beards wearing flannel and urinating on each other. Admittedly, there's some exaggeration - they're not always peeing on each other - but anyone who's gone there knows what I'm talking about. And I, like the token Asian person that I am, sit in the back of the bar feeling as out of place as humanly possible.

But hey, that's any gay bar I go to. Besides, I have friends that regularly go there and it gives me blog fodder. Take the conversation I had with my friend Giacamo for example, about a classified ad website for bears:

E: ... Ugh. I can just imagine the profile names. GayBearSF. GayCubSF. WoofieCub. WoofCubSF69.

G: You know what kills me, though? They have these status messages, right?

E: Sure.

G: So, I see this one profile, and it says Bear4Friends. You know, "Hi, I just moved to the city, just looking for some friends." So, why is his main profile picture a giant photograph of his asshole?

E: (Eric spits out his Zima)

G: Right?

E: Like it's zoomed in and talking to you? "Hello, I enjoy long walks on the beach and backgammon."

G: Exactly. So the profile gets updated with a couple more pictures, and I realize it's a GODDAMN FRIEND OF MINE.

E: Shut the fuck up.

G: IT'S LIKE, HELLO? I DON'T WANNA SEE THAT. I'M ALREADY FRIEN DS WITH YOU. I DIDN'T KNOW I WAS FRIENDS WITH YOUR ASSHOLE, TOO. THANKS FOR SHARING YOUR COOKIE.

E: "Cookie?"

G: Cookie.

(A part of me feels bad for the people reading this weblog, hoping to learn something about Decentralized Social Networks. Oh, they'll learn something.)